what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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