This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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