Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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