Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
