I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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