in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
