From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
