i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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