Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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