In America we eat man semen.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
