please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my sisters under your porch take her home
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
