At least make sure they are 18
Why
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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