sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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