ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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