It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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