apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
