The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
