We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
