My underwear smells like fireworks.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize