Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
