How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
