dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize