my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
