So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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