THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
