Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
