There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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