There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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