We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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