dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
