you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sext me about skeletons
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
