I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
