you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
