You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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