I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
