I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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