Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
