Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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