PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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