maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
