is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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