I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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