there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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