Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
