Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
