Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And then my night got REAL pukey
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
