Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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