she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize