You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
