I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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