I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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