considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She bit a glass in half.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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