You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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