dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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