Just cropdusted the office
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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