Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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