does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
