WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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