you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
