I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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