my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize