Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
