The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
