apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
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We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
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you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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