I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the knife in your bed.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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