I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
