hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
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You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
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I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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