If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You don't make any sense
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