the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
