chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
