Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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