Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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